L.A. Daze

Trying out my wetsuit

2009-11-08T16:56:00.000-08:00

This morning I went for my first OWS (open water swim) in my wetsuit. I've done two of these swims before without a wetsuit during the heatwave a few months ago. Then somebody said there are stingrays and jellyfish in the water, and the weather got rather cold, so the need for a wetsuit arose. Here are some things i've learned/noticed/want to share with you guys:

1. Wetsuits are a pain in the butt to get on. I already made two small tears in there because of my nails. Why are these expensive things so damn fragile?? And then they feel so tight and constricted. I get it, I get it, pull the material up, bla bla bla. You know how hard it is to get a wetsuit over my butt? Damn hard! It's a work out putting it on! Hmpf!

2. No matter how skinny somebody is, they will still look at least 10 lbs heavier in a wetsuit. And it will look like you have a gut, even though you may not. Attractive huh?

3. The water was freezing cold to me. Some lady said it was 64 degrees, but cold is cold. The wetsuit kept my body warm, but my face and hands were suffering for the first 10 minutes or so.

4. Green water is scary. Green water where you can't see the bottom, is even scarier. Surely there must be scary looking eels, fishes, and sharks out there, waiting to prey on this orca like thing splashing around in the water.

5. Wetsuits make you more buoyant. I was seriously floating and it just felt weird. I'm so used to feeling the water glide around me, to feeling free and fish-like. I guess I have to get used to this feeling of feeling like a marshmallow in the water.

6. I finally did get into a groove and it felt good.

7. Until I got ahead of my friend. And the people on the dock weren't there anymore. And all I could think of was the water and all the sea creatures and how they're after me. Then I swam like a bat out of hell back to the dock, launched myself out of the water, and was so dizzy I almost fell.

I bought earplugs but forgot to wear them. I hope that helps with the dizziness and disoriented feeling I experienced when I got out of the water. I can't imagine having to get on my bike feeling like that. Overall, i'm quite happy with my wetsuit since it keeps me warm and it does make swimming kind of effortless (but my arms were quite tired after this 1/2 mile swim). I just have to swim more, to be honest, i've only been in the water about 5 times this whole year. I really need to get over my fear of sharks and other scary things lurking in the water. Does anybody have any advice?

Griffith Observatory

2009-11-06T15:19:00.000-08:00

Decided to drive up here on a lazy Sunday afternoon...despite the crowds, it was quite serene. And the views? They were simply amazing. I just can't get enough. Next time I come up here, i'd like to ride my bike up. Sorry, too lazy to Photoshop the pictures!

Those happy moments...

2009-11-03T13:35:00.000-08:00

Via

I used to have much nicer handwriting but my hand grew quite tired from writing that...fail.

November Goals

2009-11-01T10:11:00.000-08:00

It's November already! The months are just flying by (and i'm just getting older). I posted a recap on my October goals yesterday. Overall I think I did pretty well! Today it's time to set some new goals for the month. They're a bit long, i'm just warning you in advance!

1. Remind my supervisor that I want to work on the other accounts. We've been talking about this since the spring, and so far, nothing has materialized!! So many things have just gotten in the way of it - the head guy at the Brentwood office got promoted and he had to move to New York. So, for a while, there was a power vacuum and nobody was making decisions, and he was too busy getting himself and his family settled in New York and dealing with his new responsibilities. Then, my supervisor's boss resigned, which also affected things. Finally one of the team members in Brentwood was promoted and she now makes decisions - and I spoke to her and there is definitely a need for me to help out with the other accounts - except...they just moved from Brentwood to Culver City, and they're trying to figure out the whole office situation. Doesn't it seem like something just keeps getting in the way??

2. Send out my new and updated resume. I worked hard on this, and countless friends helped me along the way. I've had people in Europe, Asia, and here in the US look at it. The benefits of being an international :) I just want to see what's out there, and I want to keep my options open. My main goal is to advance within my company, but if things keep going the way they are (no raise due to recession (I am so sick of hearing this!), I need new challenges and my boss tells me: well, find something you'd like to do...to which I reply...work on the other accounts...because that's the only thing I can do at this moment since client is cutting costs all the time, and yet nothing happens) then it's better for me to start looking while I still have a job.

3. Participate in a 10K! - I am signed up for a Turkey Trot. Along with this comes the goal of running at least 3 times a week. Kind of difficult since i've been sidelined by being sick in October, and today my tonsils feel a bit swollen, so i'm taking it easy, even though i'm supposed to be running and swimming today!

4. Sign up for the Surf City half marathon - this takes place in February but it fills up pretty fast. Cost: $85 for the half.

5. Join a new gym and swim 3 times a week - I am joining TriFit. With my LA Tri Club membership, the initiation and first month's fees are waived! Yay for that! Also, my company reimburses me $475 after 100 visits (or after i've paid $475 in membership dues). This gym will cost me $78/month, as opposed to Equinox' $130/month.

6. Pick a tri that I want to participate in. When I tell people that i'm training for a tri, they automatically ask: which one? To which I reply rather sheepishly...umm....some sprint tri's in the summer of 2010. It's difficult when the 2010 schedule hasn't been posted yet! Plus i'm only aware of a few. Yet again, way to go me for becoming interested in triathlons during the off season. Hey, it's all about building up those base miles.

7. Watch that restaurant budget again. It's difficult for me to say: no eating out. So I will make a conscious effort to bring lunch to work 4/5 days a week. Week nights and weekends don't really pose a threat because I prefer to cook my own food. And after a sweaty work-out, I just prefer to go home and take a shower, rather than meet friends for dinner. My problem is that I can't eat something two days in a row. And i'm addicted to the Whole Foods salad bar...

October Goals revisited

2009-10-31T19:44:00.000-07:00

Let's see what I can check off, shall we?

1. Participate in volunteer work - completed. Went to the LA Food Bank on 10/17 and spent time packing bags with canned pears. I don't think I can ever work an assembly line. It is just way too monotonous. I was also a bit disappointed that I didn't get to see the impact of my work.

2. Join LA Tri Club - completed. Although since it's off season, all the regular rides and runs have ended. So...that's just great. I decide to immerse myself in triathlon during the off season. Way to go me! At least I can build up my base miles during this time.

3. Buy a wetsuit - completed. Total amount was around $190 including tax and shipping, because Xterra was having their special sale. Not a bad deal, considering the wetsuit is usually $400 + tax + shipping. I can't wait for it to get here. I hope it fits!

4. Put the third paycheck towards my savings - *crickets chirping*

5. Participate in a 5K - fail. Honestly, I can go out and run a 5K on my own. I don't need to participate in a race. However, I did sign up for the 10K Turkey Trot during Thanksgiving.

6. Find out what i'm going to be this Halloween - completed. I was a vampire. I miss my fangs already. Is that kind of weird? I liked having those fangs! I liked licking my tongue against them.

7. Set a restaurant budget - *crickets chirping yet again*. I do try. I eat out less. My problem is lunch. I just need to get out of the office.

So. When it comes to my finances, I just want to turn the other way. I have days where i'm so into my numbers and everything, and I can spend hours budgeting. But then there are days where I just don't care. Blah.

Anyways, it's Halloween night and i'm home. I've been invited to several parties, including one in San Diego, but I just don't feel like getting dressed in my costume once again. I also don't feel like spending money on getting in a club, or wasting my gas going somewhere I know I won't have any fun. I'm also not in the mood to mingle with a bunch of drunk people...sometimes I feel as if people still think they're in college. Totally not my crowd. I'm so not a boozehound!

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-30T16:44:00.000-07:00

I won't be partying since I can't stand the Halloween crowds. Did the whole WeHo scene one year and absolutely hated it. However, work was fun since everybody has to dress up and bring food for a potluck. A good time was had by all!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Weekend workouts + help!

2009-10-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

I always love it when I return to work on Mondays and people ask me: So, what did you do this weekend? Well...let's see...I swam, I biked, and I ran! Usually I get the "wow, that's so cool, I want to start working out as well" and sometimes I get the "geez, you don't do anything fun, do you?". Well, to me, working out is fun (on most days). And what else is a single girl to do? I don't feel like dating, I just want to have me-time. Sorry boys, this chick is not looking, because men = trouble and a big headache.

My 47-miler on Saturday was amazing. The weather was perfect, and we kept a steady but fast for me pace. I love being out there on my bike. It's one of the best feelings in the world. I finally got in the pool on Sunday morning, and after struggling for the first few laps, I got into a rhytm and fell in love with swimming again. It just felt so peaceful and serene. I'm trying the total immersion technique - does anybody have any experience with this? I downloaded the video and i'm wondering if I also need to get the book. And my run? My run felt great! Yesterday was the first time that I had two work-outs in one day (although not back-to-back like a brick, i'm not there yet). I thought I would be tired from my swim, but surprisingly, my legs and lungs felt great and my heart rate was lower than usual. I just need to start working on increasing the mileage again, but one thing is for sure, I need to be patient.

The only drawback is that i'm hungry all the damn time. I don't know what to do about this hunger. I am eating more protein, yet my stomach feels like a bottomless pit. I don't want to gain weight! And for some strange reason, i'm craving calcium. Milk, cheese, yogurt. I usually don't like that stuff, but hey, if it helps make my bones stronger...

And just for fun...how cute is this? I love Yogurtland! And they have seasonal flavors like pumpkin pie and gingerbread man! Yum :)

PS. I need help with my resume. If anybody is willing to help me out...please let me know! If you're in the area, I might even treat you to some yummy frozen yogurt from Yogurtland!

What I wore today...and a nice run

2009-10-22T19:22:00.000-07:00

No, this is not a look book - i'm too lazy to do any of those. I was just not ready to go to work this morning and I liked what I was wearing, so I decided to take a quick picture. Please don't mind my messy room. Like I said, i've been lazy and my mind has been focussed on other things.

Jeans - Zara (bought in Singapore)

Blouse - Zara (bought a few years ago in Santa Monica)

Ringmaster blazer - F21 (it's longer in the back and I love it)

Shoes - Tory Burch embossed python

And then after work I went for a nice run. I totally needed it because i've been feeling super antsy recently. I just want to go out and explore and travel and do things on my own. And of course take pictures with Mr. Shutters (what I named my Nikon). The run took off some edginess, and it was foggy, which I absolutely loved.

I think it looks rather romantic...

I'm finding out a lot of things about myself. And I quite like it :)

Time for some Proust

2009-10-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

I've seen this questionnaire going around the bloggy world, and I always thought it was too much work. Until I got bored at work, started browsing the Vanity Fair website (of all places!), and found the questionnaire staring me in the face. Let's get to it, shall we?

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
To feel complete

2. What is your greatest fear?
Losing loved ones.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Arrogance and pride

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Ignorance

5. Which living person do you most admire?
My dad

6. What is your greatest extravagance?
Travel

7. What is your current state of mind?
Anxious

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Patience

9. On what occasion do you lie?
When the truth will hurt too much

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
My legs and my nose

11. Which living person do you most despise?
I don't despise anybody.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
Chivalry.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Genuine kindness

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Like, OMG, totally

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Indy

16. When and where were you happiest?
I've had lots of happy moments, so it's hard to tell when and where I felt happiest.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?
To be able to read people, like Dr. Lightman on Lie To Me

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Emotionally, I wish I could be stronger.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Eh...ask me in a few years.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
A beautiful bird

21. Where would you most like to live?
Everywhere

22. What is your most treasured possession?
I don't really hold on to possessions...but i'd say my late grandmother's rose brooch and her beautiful, delicate rosary that I keep with me at all times.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Unrequited love

24. What is your favorite occupation?
Something where I can be creative and analytical at the same time.

25. What is your most marked characteristic?
I'm too blunt and witty for my own good at times

26. What do you most value in your friends?
Loyalty

27. Who are your favorite writers?
Jane Austen and Gabriel Garcia Marquez

28. Who is your hero of fiction?
Mr. Darcy (and I picture the one played by Matthew MacFadyen)

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Nobody

30. Who are your heroes in real life?
To me, heroes are fictional. Doing a good deed does not make one a hero. It just makes one a better person. People use the term "hero" too liberally nowadays.

31. What are your favorite names?
Keeping this a secret

32. What is it that you most dislike?
Rudeness

33. What is your greatest regret?
No regrets. I try to learn from all my mistakes.

34. How would you like to die?
Painlessly and in my sleep, with a clear conscience of course

35. What is your motto?
Whatever happens, happens. Things happen for a reason.

Dear friend,

2009-10-18T19:28:00.000-07:00

I wonder where you are.

I miss our phone calls that lasted hours. You know, I hate talking on the phone, but for some reason when talking to you, the hours flew by. Even those random silences and sighs were understood.

I miss our emails to each other. Now nobody sends me cute pictures of ducklings and kittens or any other random stuff you found on the web.

I miss our msn chats that would keep me awake until 2-3 am. Now I hardly sign on to msn anymore.

I miss you driving up to LA to hang out, enjoy a nice dinner, and people watch. Your best friend wouldn't let me drive his 3-series, but you had no problem with me tearing up the freeway in your car, which was much nicer than his.

You were one of my closest friends. I was there for you when you were trying to get over the heartbreak of your failed relationship, and you were there for me when I broke up with your best friend. Honestly, I was quite surprised that you were in my corner and not his. And that you blamed the break up on him and not on me. Even though I clearly dumped the guy. I wonder if you two are still friends...

I know you were having issues with your parents, so much that you disconnected your phone and were only available through Skype. You made an effort to keep in touch at first, but I slowly had to let go because somebody I loved did not approve of you. I hope you're not mad at me, and if you are, i'm sorry.

Ttruth be told, i've been thinking about you a lot. I've spent months wondering how I can get a hold of you. The last time we talked, you seemed so sad. It might be a waste of time, but it doesn't sit well with me how once we were so close and now we're not even in touch. Maybe you're not supposed to be in my life. But another friend of mine told me that these things are cyclical and that you'll eventually appear in my life again. I hope so.

I miss you.

One more...

2009-10-18T12:19:00.000-07:00

Runyon Canyon

2009-10-17T19:23:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to hike this canyon for a while now, but couldn't find anybody to do it with me. Finally, one of my co-workers/friends caved in and said he'd go up there with me. It was HOT (uummm yes, hi, I go hiking in 97 degree weather) but there were lots of other people up there (can I say lots of hotties? Yum!). I wish I had a dog, since almost everybody had a dog. Makes me miss my two babies! All in all, we hiked about 3+ miles, and there were some pretty steep (to me) climbs.

It's really beautiful up there. The views of the city are amazing. It would have been much prettier after a rainy day because there was a layer of smog, but still... I would love to have one of those charming old school Hollywood homes and live in that area. One day.

Of course we couldn't just call it a day after all that hiking and we hit up the Farmer's Market at the Grove for some yummy food. I love these LA days.

(I cannot pose for the life of me)

Camera loving

2009-10-16T20:28:00.000-07:00

Well hello world.

Look what I dug up. Yup. I'll be snapping away!

PS. Thanks for all your well wishes on my last post. I didn't take that frowning oatmeal picture (god forbid if I had glasses like that and drank...whatever is in that glass) but I found it on somebody's Flickr stream and thought it captured the way I felt perfectly.

From the sick bed...

2009-10-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

This is how i've been feeling recently.

via...

Damn flu!

Feel like laughing?

2009-10-11T16:43:00.000-07:00

Thanks for your comments last night guys...they made me feel a lot better about myself!

Now, for a short letter to my legs:

Dear legs,

I know I pushed you hard this morning during our 40 mile ride. You did great, thank you very much. I'm always grateful that you allow me to keep up with the boys. And power up steep hills. But will you please cooperate with me when I run? I know you are tired but really, you're just going to have to get used to it. Ok? Oh, and will you please, pretty pretty please stop hanging on to chubs like a fat kid loves cake? Because it's unsightly. And i'd really like to look good in skinny jeans one day. And I prefer to not look like a chubby seal when I get my wetsuit. Not that anybody will notice once i'm in the water, but umm...you know...sharks...might think i'm a tasty snack. Other than that, i'm grateful to be able to have full use of you. Thanks!

And of course, some photographic evidence, because I like to make fun of myself and share with the world:

Chubby seal look #1:

Note how my froglegs (aka cycling tights) just make my legs oh so attractive. Lovely. Ugh.

Chubby seal look #2 (i'm the one in the black/blue surf wetsuit):

Wonderful. I might just scare the sharks away with my thunder thighs.

This is what happens when you wear shorts and your legs have too much chubs:

Oh so uncomfortable and I now wear runningskirts or long running pants.

And just to show that Louboutins really make legs look great (oh how I love Louboutins!):

I'm the chick on the left obviously. Jean has nice, long, lean legs. Even without Louboutins. Damn you *shakes fist*! Kidding. Miss you babe.

Tomorrow will be a better day

2009-10-10T19:38:00.000-07:00

What a day.

It started off with a bad run. I thought it was going to be cold outside so I wore a longsleeved top. Well, apparently, the sun came out right as I parked by San Vicente Blvd. Oh well, I rolled up my sleeves. Then, I had to pee. I had gone before I left the apartment, but somehow, in the 10 minutes it took me to get to Santa Monica, I had to go again. Stupid bladder!! But since I hate public restrooms, I decided to just suck it up. Bad idea. Then, I had the brilliant idea of running the grassy median on San Vicente, instead of sticking to my favorite beach route. I figured I had to mix things up a bit. Well, it sucked. The median was grassy alright, but there were lots of tree roots sticking out of the ground, so I was contanstantly aware of my footing. Then, there was a slight incline. And when you're still warming up, running uphill just sucks. When I run, I like to zone out. Couldn't do that here because I had to watch where I was going, and my bladder kept reminding me that it was about to explode. Major fail. Did I run my intended distance? Nope. And I was so upset about it. But you know what, I learned from it. I just have to be patient with myself.

Then I got into a stupid fight with my ex. I realize now how stupid it was, but i'm hormonal right now and sometimes those damn hormones just take over. I'm just mad about some desperate woman writing all over his FB wall and commenting on all his FB updates. I have no right to be upset about it. Yes, it hurts, but I should just keep that stuff to myself. But I didn't. I told him how I felt and we got into a fight. I just need to get over it. I know it takes time. What I did was so immature but we all do stupid things. I think next time I feel the urge to do something stupid, i'm just going to lace up and go running. And i'm also blaming it on my period for this minor lapse in my icy demeanor. Seriously, this summer, i've been called the ice queen several times by different friends of mine. That, or that i'm "stone cold". Like I said, it takes time.

I've been catching up on Season 1 of The City - damn I love that show! And Jay is such a hottie. But one thing that really stuck out was when DVF told Whit: "The most important relationship you have in your life is the relationship you have with yourself because no matter what happens, you'll always be with yourself". Truer words could not have been spoken. And it's time to take a long hard look at myself and focus on the things I want to accomplish. Like a triathlon. Another century ride. Another half marathon in February. My career. The list goes on and on. It's time to focus on me, and to learn to love myself.

My bike and a story about work

2009-10-08T22:03:00.000-07:00

Sorry...I couldn't help myself. But I love my bike :)

I wish there was a way to ride it to work without going out of my way, but the only way I can think about is along the coast. Just getting to the coast from here is a pain in the butt. And where to change at work? Shower? No can do for now, I like to show up fresh and clean at work, thankyouverymuch.

Speaking of work...a few weeks ago a co-worker mistook my friendliness for me being totally into him. Um...no. Just because I am professional and say hi to you doesn't mean i'm head over heels for you. But the guy did not get the message. He kept stopping by my cubicle to chat, and it annoyed me. I'd be on the phone on a conference call, and he'd actually wait in my cubicle until I was off the call. How creepy is that? I started to close my cubicle door (something I hate doing because it makes people think i'm anti-social) and he would knock and knock and knock until I opened it. My boss noticed him lingering around, and I made sure to tell him that I could get in trouble with my boss, but he didn't seem to get the hint. Then, one day I arrived at work and saw this monstrosity on my desk:

Umm...WTF is this ugly thing?? And why is it crushing my bunny?? That creepy guy had left it there for me. How do I know? Well, he made his daily visit to my cubicle and said: oooooh look who came crawling in...do you like it? Listen, what are your lunch plans tomorrow - don't bring food, let me take you out for lunch. Of course I politely declined...and he immediately countered by saying, how about a Dodger's game on Saturday? I have four tickets...bring two other people. I'm thinking in my head, how the F can I get this creep out of my cubicle, along with his ugly spider, like RIGHT NOW! Again, I told him no thanks, and that I already had lunch plans and plans for Saturday. The creep finally left. Well, the next day, he approached me in the hallway, had his lip kind of curled up, and in a really aggravated tone asked me: do you mind if I ask how your lunch was? Who did you go with? UM YES I MIND! LEAVE ME ALONE! I told him it's really none of his business and quickly walked over to my cubicle, where I proceeded to call my boss and let her know about this creep, and how I would not feel safe if I happened to be alone in an elevator with him. Mind you, this was a week after the Yale incident where they found that poor girl's body stuffed in a wall. My boss told me she also thought he was creepy, just everything about him, and she spoke to his supervisor. Long story short, he still works there, but now he avoids me like the plague. Thank God. And if he ever comes to my cubicle again, or says something that has nothing to do with work, I should let his supervisor know and they'll take care of it. I'm sorry, but I don't take crap like that lightly. My safety and comfort at work is important to me. Oh, and that ugly THING? His supervisor kindly offered to throw it away.

Seriously peeps, and this goes out to all the girls especially...if there's a creep bothering you at work, don't just sit there and take it. Make sure to address the problem ASAP with somebody who can actually do something about it. Stepping off my soap box now.

October Goals

2009-10-02T21:48:00.001-07:00

Wow, September flew by! Let's hope the rest of the year also flies by. I am ready to fly home in December! Ummm...that was a lot of variations of the word "fly". Just noticed. I bought my ticket today and cried a little at the amount.

Without further ado...ta da da...my October goals. Not very lofty, like oh...climbing Mt. Everest, but hey, a girl's gotta start somewhere right?

1. Participate in volunteer work - I actually found an event and signed up for it. It's taking place on the 17th at the LA Food Bank. There was another one that sounds tempting but is all the way in Signal Hill. It's to take care of a rabbit for an hour a week - play with it and clean up its cage, at a Petco.

2. Join LA Tri Club - This will cost me $70 for a year's membership and hopefully will provide me access to people who want to run/ride/swim with little ol' slowpoke me. Lots of clinics to go to as well!

3. Buy a wetsuit - The one I have in mind is around $400, but I saw other models that are between $200-$300. I will probably stick to the lower price range since i'm not a pro and I might not like this whole triathlon thing...There are also some cute wetsuits for surfers that cost around $150.

4. Put the third paycheck towards my savings - I really need to work on this. My previous car practically depleted my savings due to all the times I had to bring it to the shop for repairs. The move also cost me quite a bit of money. I could not have done it without the help of somebody very special.

5. Participate in a 5K - it's about time I started entering races again! The one I have in mind is the Spooky Sprint in Long Beach on Halloween. For me it will be more like a spooky jog, but i'll blame it on my Halloween costume.

6. Speaking of which...find out what i'm going to be this Halloween - at work we are required to dress up for this day. I'm not a fan of buying a bunch of crap i'll only use one, and I prefer to use what I already have. I was inspired by some fashion shoot produced/styled by Tim Burton...OMG it was amazing. Here's the link.

7. Set a restaurant budget - I really need to do this! I spend way too much on eating out, and I need to cut back. I'm bloated, gained a few pounds, and my wallet is definitely lighter. So...have to be very picky about where I eat out. If I can do a better job making it, then i'll definitely pass.

I think that's enough for now. Enjoy your weekend! I'll be taking it easy :)

The end.

2009-09-28T12:25:00.001-07:00

So I am going to be a Debbie Downer today, hope you all don't mind. It's appropriate because it's also quite foggy outside, which makes my mood even worse.

Back in May, I broke a good man's heart. I didn't realize the severity of it until last night, where it hit me like a thousand wild horses galloping over me. To see the pain and anguish i've caused him was heart wrenching. I threw away our life without ever realizing the effect it had on him, or the consequences of it. He gave me everything and would have given me more if possible. He would have followed me all over the world just to be with me. He has been selfless throughout the duration of our relationship, and continued to be so during the last few months we've spent in limbo. And just like an idiot, I kept screwing things up. Just kept stabbing that knife deeper into his heart, not realizing that I was also stabbing myself.

I felt safe next to him, and we felt like a team. Together we could do anything. He would always know the right thing to say when I felt stressed out or anxious. He brought an inner calm to me that nobody else was able to do. He was there for me, no matter what. He brought out the best in me, but also sometimes managed to bring out the worst in me. I've lost his love forever. At one point I made him the happiest man alive. And now i'm such a monster for forcing him to new lows he's never experienced before.

It's funny, because deep down I held out hope for our relationship. At the wedding on Saturday, all I could think about was him. Then on Sunday, the world came crashing down. What a contrast.

I don't quite know what to do with myself.

For future reference...

2009-09-24T11:16:00.000-07:00

To: All future brides, but in particular, one Bridezilla
From: A disgruntled bridesmaid
Subject: What NOT to do when dealing with bridesmaids, and some solutions/suggestions

1. Please realize that we all have lives and we can't think about your wedding 24/7.

2. You might think it is an honor for us to be at your wedding, but if you are going to make things ugly for us, this honor will quickly turn into an inconvenience, and we will end up doing you a favor for being in your wedding.

3. Don't be tactless and specify which gift you want from us from your expensive registry. We are already spending an arm and a leg on other things to be part of your big day.

4. When communicating with us, please make sure to let all of us know of your expectations. And tell us all the same thing. This will avoid any confusion. Because bridesmaids do talk behind your back you know. To coordinate and say mean things about you because you are being a Bridezilla. Just saying.

5. Don't let us know two weeks before the actual wedding what time the rehearsal is. Or actually, that is fine, just don't expect us to be able to take the day off work for this, since you waited so long to tell us. Blame it on your wedding planner, but ultimately, it is your fault for not letting us know earlier. And please don't throw a hissy fit and leave angry, screaming voicemails on our phones. Unless you want us to publish it on Youtube.

6. If planning your wedding is your full time job (since you're too busy to get a job since you're planning your big, expensive wedding and all), please keep in consideration that your bridesmaids still have to work very hard to save up for that $600 plate set you want. Because, I guess, we're not your real friends if we don't get it.

7. When talking to us over the phone after we have expressed our concern and frustrations, all the while being diplomatic and keeping your stress level in mind, please don't involve your fiance with any talks you have with us. Also, we all know when he is writing an email that supposedly is coming from you. Because your grammar sucks, and his does not.

8. When one of the bridesmaids tells you that her father has been diagnosed with cancer, or another one says she has a client meeting that cannot be rescheduled at a certain time you want to meet, or another one whose car broke down on the way from Palm Springs to come see you, don't say stuff like: "I don't give a shit, i'm tired of your crap". Because really, that makes you seem like a heartless biatch. Oh wait. You are one.

9. Don't complain that we did not throw you a bachelorette party. We had plenty of ideas in mind, but they just were not glamorous enough for you. Sorry, we can't all jet away to NYC and shop and buy bottles at the hottest clubs because a) we have jobs and can't just take off, b) we don't have thousands of dollars stashed away for this, and c) after you've been such a pain in the butt to deal with, why would we want to spend time with you?

10. DO NOT give our parents invitations to your wedding, knowing they cannot come, but then expect for them to buy you a gift off your registry. How low can you go?

After we have threatened TWICE now to not show up at your wedding this upcoming weekend, I hope you get the point. You can't treat people like dirt. You can't view everybody as a walking dollar sign. And, you are not a princess.

The end.

Last few days of summer

2009-09-20T19:17:00.000-07:00

Although we certainly can't feel it here in Southern California, where it's sunny all year round, summer has come to a close. I'm not ready to say good bye to yummy summer foods yet, so today was spent at the Farmer's Market, picking out gorgeous fruits and veggies for yummy meals. Enjoy! Click on any image to enlarge.

I had so much basil left over, and since basil doesn't freeze well, and I didn't want to let it go to waste, I chopped it up along with some garlic and pine nuts, added grated parmesan cheese and olive oil...and voila, home-made pesto! My arm is tired from all the chopping - I refuse to mess with the integrity of this simple sauce by using a food processor. It was amazing. Tasted fresh and light, unlike those salty heavy pesto sauces from the grocery store.

Needless to say, my belly is very happy right now. I love to cook and put together beautiful, simple dishes.

What i've been up to

2009-09-16T18:14:00.000-07:00

I figure it's about time I post again.

What have I been up to the past few weeks?

Hmm...

I moved into a new apartment and I have a roommate. She has a little dog.

Swam in Alamitos Bay, half a mile each time. I am deathly afraid of scary sea monsters and sharks and my imagination runs wild when I swim in open water. So Alamitos Bay is a great introduction to open water swim, since it's shielded from the ocean, but deep and big enough to resemble an open water swim.

Visited a farmer's market and wanted to steal this chubby bee:

Ate the best chocolate cookie of my life:

Hung out on Sunset at Cafe Primo with a good friend of mine, talking about everything and anything. This chick totally gets me.

Cheered on Team Disney at the Nautica Malibu Tri, where I saw celebs like Mario Lopez, Terri Hatcher, Felicity Huffman, William H. Macy, Jeremy Piven, and Bob Iger. Watching all these athletes compete made me want to do a tri, so now i'm slowly but surely starting my training for that.

Hunted down a gourmet food truck and ended up finding Fishlips:

Went to a Dodger's game and got a Manny bobble-head and just about died sitting in the blistering sun. Seriously, I was sweating just from sitting. Gross. And i'm not going to post a picture of the bobble-head.

I've got more posts coming up! Just too lazy to type them all out.

Pacific Coast Highway

2009-08-29T07:53:00.000-07:00

I promised more pictures on this blog, but when i'm driving (which is what I do like, 95% of the time here), I can't focus on the angle of the shot, etc. Soo...without further ado...I took some videos yesterday of my drive along the coast. Sorry if it's choppy. Traffic sucked, and some parts were only houses. Plus a co-worker of mine was driving in the red GTI and I felt a bit self-conscious holding a camera by my steering wheel...lol.

Yes, I do make an appearance. I am such a dork. Please forgive the messy beach hair, this was after the company's fun day. Our team won all the events that day, so there's also a shot of the bottle of champagne that I won. And for the first time ever, after having lived in SoCal for 7 years, I surfed! And I loved it, and I want to go out there again. I've been missing out all these years!

And also...this is for Jean. I know she misses driving here.

THE Registry

2009-08-27T14:32:00.001-07:00

Inspired by Revanche, who posted a sampling of a bride's registry....

I will now post a sampling of what I have been staring at for the past few months...wondering what on earth I can afford from it.

This is all from Bloomingdale's:

Fine China:
Lenox Westchester Coffee Pot - $678 (requested 1)
Lenox Westchester CVD Veg - $876 (requested 4)
Lenox Westchester Gravy Boat - $437 (requested 2)
Lenox Westchester Large Platter - $862 (requested 4)
Lenox Westchester Md Platter - $592 (requested 4)
Lenox Westchester Tea Pot - $728 (requested 1)

Stemware:
Faberge wine glasses - $600 (requested 6, there are 4 in a set)
Faberge flutes - $600 (requested 6, there are 4 in a set)

Down comforter - $575

Barware:
Waterford Decanter - $375 (requested 3)
Waterford Ice Bucket - $375 (requested 2)

Waterford 65 pc flatware - $300 (requested 2)

Various other things on there:
Waterford Canister - $500 (requested 2)
William Yeoward Crystal Candelabra - $500 (requested 2)
Christofle Cheese Tray - $450 (requested 1)
Christofle Centerpiece Bowl - $720 (requested 2)
Olivia Riegel picture frame - $300 (requested 2)
Delonghi Coffeemaker - $799 (requested 1)
All Clad pan set - $999 (requested 1)
Le Creuset French Oven (round) - $330 (requested 1)
Le Creuset French Oven (oval) - $330 (requested 1)

Ok, there are many more things on there, but I don't want to list them all. Did I also mention, she had a Tiffany's registry, which she opened for her bridal shower?

Looking at this, one wonders if she's planning to have a dinner party for the Queen of England. Why would you need 2 sets of a 65pc Waterford flatware collection? $600 for a set of 4 wine glasses, and she is requesting 6 sets? Who the hell needs 24 wine glasses?? (Oh, and they are UGLY as well). A $728 TEA POT?? I will leave the comments up to you. I am still really annoyed by this all.

She doesn't own a house yet. Right now they are living in a tiny one bedroom apartment. Where on earth will they stash all these gifts?? And there's nothing wrong with that, except you totally don't expect somebody with a registry like this, to be living the way she does. At all.

Oh, and she does not cook. So why does she need an oval AND a round Le Creuset French oven?

They have been pre-approved for $550,000 and will be able to put $50,000 on a house (wedding present from her mommy and daddy). Yet she is looking in areas where houses cost millions of dollars.

I am not jealous at all. I could care less about what they can afford and what they can't. I just find it disgusting how my friend is so deluded with visions of grandeur. Snap the F out of it!

I have decided to just give her cold hard cash instead. Along with a note saying: saved you the trouble of going to the store for returns!

My own assistant gig - Hollywood style

2009-08-24T21:11:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching the 2nd season opener of the Rachel Zoe Project. OMG I was lusting over all the shoes in her studio. Can I have them all...like right now...pretty please? I'm not a big fan of her though, and I also would not want to be one of her assistants. But her show is fun to watch.

However, it did remind me of a short stint I had working as an assistant to an A-list interior designer/celebrity. This was during my moment of unemployment when I moved back to Los Angeles from Singapore, and I was bored out of my mind (and trying to figure out what the hell I wanted to do with my life). At one point I even considered going to FIDM to do merchandising or something ridiculous like that.

Although this woman was talented and had a lot of celebrity clients like Jessica Alba, this woman was crazy. I put up with her psycho attitude and her beloved other assistant (who kind of reminds me of Taylor from the Rachel Zoe Project) for 3 days before I told her that it wasn't working out. There were also two other assistants who were just starting off there, and oh my god, the ass kissing that goes on....ugh. Lots of random people would walk in and out. A messenger here, a dog-walker there, her personal trainer, her stylist...I must have seen about 10 different people every single day. Her office was located in her Hollywood apartment. I don't know how people can live/work like that. The phones were constantly ringing off the hook - she had 4 land lines and 2 cell phones!! It was intense. Plus she was very specific about the way things should be done. Which is cool and all. But you need a very thick skin. That's all i'll say about that. All I know is, that crazy lifestyle is not for me, and what they show in those reality shows is really what happens.

Anyways, for your viewing pleasure:

Note: I never saw any of those assistants as this was probably filmed a year before I worked there. I'm not sure if her show made it past the first episode??